“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength”
Easier said than done. It’s rough to completely trust someone, especially a Someone, and to completely put faith in Him and hand over my life to Him and trust him that come what may, He’ll provide for me, it’s hard. :T Especially now with course selections for junior year coming up, I’m terrified I bit off more than I can chew with these three APs and I know it’ll never happen, but I am scared out of my mind that He will abandon me and leave me in the dust. Is this heretical thinking? I don’t really know. I am just sure that I am unsure. Bleargh, what a cliche’ thing to say. But it’s the truth.
I know I shouldn’t do an AP just because of others, but my mother is quite the ambitious parent…she flipped when she found out a) I wasn’t planning on taking AP Biology, and b) I couldn’t take AP Calc my junior year because I didn’t meet the prerequisites. Well, I caved and am going to take AP Biology… I don’t really know why, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to take this chance and hope for the best. I made a list of pros/cons and honestly, the pros for AP Biology are so much better than the pros for Honors Physics, but of course the cons are much, much worse. I’m just fearful that I’m going to be a complete failure, ruin my so-far all A streak in high school, and just end up at a crap college because I took more than I could handle.
Sighh. But through this I know that God, my friends, and hopefully my family will support me. I wonder what would happen if I came home with a report card riddled with C’s and B’s. Would they kick me out? Do they have the legal power to disown me over my grades? It’s not like it’s impossible… Hahaha, look at me, always expecting the worst. But I like to be prepared.
So what if I’ve blown this out of proportion? Odds are I’ll go into three APs and get A’s and B’s. That C is inevitable, but I’d like to not think about it.
Oh, and another thing, Mrs. B*, my substitute teacher, seems to have a grudge against me, L* and G*. We were obnoxious maybe that one day. But how do you justify being rude and unnecessarily cold to us the first day, when we had done nothing wrong, we had finished all our work, and were still being productive by doing our homework while we chit-chatted a bit? Was it honestly that much of a distraction to everybody else? I understand her patience is somewhat lacking from the chemo, and I sympathize for her illness, and of course I’ve given her some recess because it’s not fair to expect her to be all sunshine and rainbows, but we have done nothing wrong and every day she rides us about something different (and usually everybody else is talking too, but somehow if we’re all congregating in a big group we kind of intimidate her?) How can she be in a bad mood only when we open our mouths? Un-necessary.
“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength”
Please, please please give me the strength.
*Names have been changed/altered to protect privacy? (:
